After 3 posts I figured that all my adoring fans (who have never met me) are wondering who is the man behind the blog? What are his likes and dislikes, his fears, and his interests. Well here is your chance. A once in a lifetime opportunity to find out who I am. This is my “E! True Hollywood Story.”
The most obvious place to start this story would be on February 19, 1987, but I am not going to bore you with my early years. I am going to start my story with my first childhood dream. As a kid I wanted to be an astronaut. To my young mind it was the most fascinating thing in the world. As a kid you are always curious; always wanting answers to your questions. As a kid my question was, what is space? That dream lasted a while, probably for about 3 or so years. Why might you ask that I am currently not working for NASA? Well for my 8th birthday I was given a VHS of Apollo 13. It was a great movie. It also scared the crap out of me. My parents also bought a book detailing all the accidents that have occurred in NASA’s history. And my dreams of becoming an astronaut disappeared.
This next part will not be surprising to most. Starting when I was about 6 and still is true today, my favorite thing in the world is baseball. It has and always will be my passion. As a kid, you could not keep me off the field. I played with broken bones and even made an amazing catch using just a hat when I was 6 (but that’s another story for another time), when I was sick, and when it was winter. And so began my second childhood dream. I wanted to be a baseball player and more importantly, play for the Philadelphia Phillies. Up until I was 17 years old I played baseball all the time, through all four seasons. I do not play anymore, but I still follow baseball religiously. Getting to see the Phillies win the World Series was one of the greatest moments of my life. I love everything about baseball, except the New York Mets.
Before I finish with all my childhood dreams I think this would be a fitting time to talk about my two biggest fears: bees and clowns. They both suck. My fear of bees stems to an incident where I stepped on a yellow jacket hive and then proceeded to kick the hive. It wasn’t my smartest moment. After stripping down to my boxers and rolling around the grass in front of my entire neighborhood, after being thrown into the shower and sprayed with Windex to kill the yellow jackets, and after 100+ different yellow jacket stings all over my body, bees and I do not like each other. In fact, I am proud to say when I see a bee, I shriek with terror and run the opposite direction.
Clowns are a different story. I had a bad experience, but for some reason I do not think that is why I have this fear. My fear stems from how they look. There is absolutely no need for all that makeup. No person should ever have that much makeup on his or her face and no person should have that creepy of a smile. And if you want proof that clowns are scary just watch the movie IT. After you watch the movie you can then join me in my efforts to save future generations from the same horror that clowns have inflicted on me.
Sadly, to understand the man behind the blog you are going to have to read a lot more. But we will save that for another time.
To Be Continued….
Monday, September 21, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
My Slow Pace
Coming out of college I wanted to relax. I had just spent four years constantly doing something, anything, everything. Always moving, always energized to do something. And oddly enough sometimes I would find myself lounging around and relaxing, but I always knew there was potential for excitement. The anticipation fueled my energy.
This same anticipation that was my life force is running low. Each day seems to last longer and longer. Nights are an endless sea of darkness. I wake up with expectations of nothing. Each day I feel is wasted. What can I do? When the sun rises, or maybe a tad later than that, I get out of bed and begin looking for jobs. Surfing the Internet on a multitude of websites made just for me. Job posting after job posting, some have potential, while others to me seem useless. Nevertheless I search. I search through pages and pages of text hoping that something stands out. And if I happen to find a job that fits my wants and needs I can only hope that I will stand out.
The day seems to last forever. I want to work; I want to experience the exhilaration of a 9 to 5 job. I admit the 9 to 5 experience might be dull; it might result in the same life I lead currently. The same task every single day. I can’t help but think of Office Space whenever I think of a standard office job. But can it really be worse than what I am doing right now? Can it really be as boring and dull as being inside a house searching for your future?
As much as I love relaxation, as much as I love sleeping a little later than some and all the free time, I need excitement. I need something frantic. I strive for a hectic life, organized chaos.
Right now my zest for chaos seems slightly out of reach. Job listings are becoming harder to find. There is a sense of emptiness that is cast on my search. The jobs I want are not available and the jobs I need cannot be found. My options are slowly diminishing, while time is slowly ticking away.
My wait seems to be never-ending, but it has to end. I know I can’t hold out forever for my dream job. Eventually I have to take the dive into mediocrity. The anticipation is fading and the wait seems to have no end. But for now I will take my time and I have all the time in the world, and sadly that is too much.
This same anticipation that was my life force is running low. Each day seems to last longer and longer. Nights are an endless sea of darkness. I wake up with expectations of nothing. Each day I feel is wasted. What can I do? When the sun rises, or maybe a tad later than that, I get out of bed and begin looking for jobs. Surfing the Internet on a multitude of websites made just for me. Job posting after job posting, some have potential, while others to me seem useless. Nevertheless I search. I search through pages and pages of text hoping that something stands out. And if I happen to find a job that fits my wants and needs I can only hope that I will stand out.
The day seems to last forever. I want to work; I want to experience the exhilaration of a 9 to 5 job. I admit the 9 to 5 experience might be dull; it might result in the same life I lead currently. The same task every single day. I can’t help but think of Office Space whenever I think of a standard office job. But can it really be worse than what I am doing right now? Can it really be as boring and dull as being inside a house searching for your future?
As much as I love relaxation, as much as I love sleeping a little later than some and all the free time, I need excitement. I need something frantic. I strive for a hectic life, organized chaos.
Right now my zest for chaos seems slightly out of reach. Job listings are becoming harder to find. There is a sense of emptiness that is cast on my search. The jobs I want are not available and the jobs I need cannot be found. My options are slowly diminishing, while time is slowly ticking away.
My wait seems to be never-ending, but it has to end. I know I can’t hold out forever for my dream job. Eventually I have to take the dive into mediocrity. The anticipation is fading and the wait seems to have no end. But for now I will take my time and I have all the time in the world, and sadly that is too much.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
My Decision
I decided to not take the job. I will remain unemployed for however long it takes. You learn a lot about yourself, when you are rejected time and time again. Constantly being told, most of the time by no response, that you could not even adequately fill the open position. What makes me different? What makes me stand out to a potential employer when thousands of qualified people apply to the same job?
You leave college thinking you are special. You leave hoping that you will be given the opportunity to fulfill you righteous destiny. Now, only a few months later, you are just hoping that you can be a blip on the radar. That someday you might have the chance to really make a difference, but for now you will settle. I learned that I am stronger than I thought. I resisted the temptation of a green and luxurious future. It was the smart move, even if I will continue to tell myself it wasn’t. I had a stand off that tested my soul. I stood face-to-face with opportunity and said it isn’t my time. It isn’t my time to become something I am not. It isn’t my time to drift away from my goals. This is my chance to show everyone that I am resilient.
Each day passes with no interviews. Success is becoming a foreign word. I am becoming tired of all these people saying, “don’t worry, it will all work out.” I know they are just being supportive and want what’s best for me, but to me, it is just nonsense. My future is uncertain, I do not know if it will truly work out. Where will I be tomorrow, where will I be a year from now?
Although I currently live in a cloud of uncertainty, there is a glimmer of hope. Where this hope will lead me I do not know. All I know is that it is there. Hope can be extremely powerful. It can provide inspiration in the darkest of times. I know people are far worse off than I am; I know I am lucky to be where I am right now. But I also know there was a reason I turned down that job and one day it the world will see what that reason was.
You leave college thinking you are special. You leave hoping that you will be given the opportunity to fulfill you righteous destiny. Now, only a few months later, you are just hoping that you can be a blip on the radar. That someday you might have the chance to really make a difference, but for now you will settle. I learned that I am stronger than I thought. I resisted the temptation of a green and luxurious future. It was the smart move, even if I will continue to tell myself it wasn’t. I had a stand off that tested my soul. I stood face-to-face with opportunity and said it isn’t my time. It isn’t my time to become something I am not. It isn’t my time to drift away from my goals. This is my chance to show everyone that I am resilient.
Each day passes with no interviews. Success is becoming a foreign word. I am becoming tired of all these people saying, “don’t worry, it will all work out.” I know they are just being supportive and want what’s best for me, but to me, it is just nonsense. My future is uncertain, I do not know if it will truly work out. Where will I be tomorrow, where will I be a year from now?
Although I currently live in a cloud of uncertainty, there is a glimmer of hope. Where this hope will lead me I do not know. All I know is that it is there. Hope can be extremely powerful. It can provide inspiration in the darkest of times. I know people are far worse off than I am; I know I am lucky to be where I am right now. But I also know there was a reason I turned down that job and one day it the world will see what that reason was.
Monday, September 14, 2009
My Destiny
You spend your whole life trying to get to this moment. Countless hours spent on school work; prepping you for your after school life. From the time you are a little kid, you are told that you can be anything that you want. You can do anything that you choose. Your eyes are as wide as they could possibly be. Your future is bright; nothing can stand in your way.
High school comes and goes and now you are ready for college. It is now the time where you can take all the knowledge that you have learned, you can take all the goals you have set for yourself and apply them to your life. It is your chance to realize your full potential. In college you learn about great thinkers who were able to break the shackles of society and do good. Men and women that could defy all odds and share ideals that helped human kind in ways they could never have imagined. You are inspired. After all the hype, after all those times where your parents brag to family friends and family that their son or daughter will be the next great American, the time has come.
Sitting at your own college graduation is a surreal experience. Standing in the hallway before I entered the gymnasium I was still an undergrad with nothing, other than a bad economy, standing in my way. I walked to my seat, sat there through endless speeches telling us how to succeed, how we should never give up. And then finally it is the time that everyone has been waiting for. You walk across the stage, have your name read aloud and then shake some persons hand that you have never spoken to before in your life. You sit down and then you hear, “Ladies and Gentleman I give you the graduating class of 2009.” And that’s it I am no longer a student; I am a member of the vast group of unemployed Americans.
Like any other person who has been told that they can do whatever their hearts desire, I assume that I will have my dream job within hours of graduation. Days turn into weeks and then weeks turn into months. The dream job seems to be falling out of reach. You become desperate and your goal of “Doing something special” starts to seem like an impossible goal. Will I ever get that phone call? The phone call that means I can start my trek towards glory. The phone call that will enable me to shed the world of its problems. Come up with that one theory that is remembered for centuries to come.
Like any person waiting for my chance, I become desperate. I begin to thing I am willing to take any job, as long as it pays. I get a phone call and schedule my first interview. I get asked back for a second interview and surprisingly get offered the job. I’m elated. But there is one problem, one small roadblock to my climb to stardom. The job is not something I want to do. It wasn’t something that would satisfy my hunger to fix the world. But it is a job, a job that pays.
Do I take the job? Do I succumb to the anxiety of being in debt? Do I become something that I am not? Do I forfeit my ability to “do something special” because of a hefty paycheck? These are all questions that I had to ask myself. These are all questions that kept me awake for days. One phone call could define my life for the next 10 years. One phone call could define how people would remember me.
My aspirations were slowly becoming a blur. My goals just a vague impression of what they used to be. The day had come, what would be my decision. Would I sell out and become something I am not? Would I take a job, after only looking for a few months, and accept that in today’s world you must take what you can get. I made my decision. I honestly have no idea if it is the smart move or not. All I know is there is no turning back.
High school comes and goes and now you are ready for college. It is now the time where you can take all the knowledge that you have learned, you can take all the goals you have set for yourself and apply them to your life. It is your chance to realize your full potential. In college you learn about great thinkers who were able to break the shackles of society and do good. Men and women that could defy all odds and share ideals that helped human kind in ways they could never have imagined. You are inspired. After all the hype, after all those times where your parents brag to family friends and family that their son or daughter will be the next great American, the time has come.
Sitting at your own college graduation is a surreal experience. Standing in the hallway before I entered the gymnasium I was still an undergrad with nothing, other than a bad economy, standing in my way. I walked to my seat, sat there through endless speeches telling us how to succeed, how we should never give up. And then finally it is the time that everyone has been waiting for. You walk across the stage, have your name read aloud and then shake some persons hand that you have never spoken to before in your life. You sit down and then you hear, “Ladies and Gentleman I give you the graduating class of 2009.” And that’s it I am no longer a student; I am a member of the vast group of unemployed Americans.
Like any other person who has been told that they can do whatever their hearts desire, I assume that I will have my dream job within hours of graduation. Days turn into weeks and then weeks turn into months. The dream job seems to be falling out of reach. You become desperate and your goal of “Doing something special” starts to seem like an impossible goal. Will I ever get that phone call? The phone call that means I can start my trek towards glory. The phone call that will enable me to shed the world of its problems. Come up with that one theory that is remembered for centuries to come.
Like any person waiting for my chance, I become desperate. I begin to thing I am willing to take any job, as long as it pays. I get a phone call and schedule my first interview. I get asked back for a second interview and surprisingly get offered the job. I’m elated. But there is one problem, one small roadblock to my climb to stardom. The job is not something I want to do. It wasn’t something that would satisfy my hunger to fix the world. But it is a job, a job that pays.
Do I take the job? Do I succumb to the anxiety of being in debt? Do I become something that I am not? Do I forfeit my ability to “do something special” because of a hefty paycheck? These are all questions that I had to ask myself. These are all questions that kept me awake for days. One phone call could define my life for the next 10 years. One phone call could define how people would remember me.
My aspirations were slowly becoming a blur. My goals just a vague impression of what they used to be. The day had come, what would be my decision. Would I sell out and become something I am not? Would I take a job, after only looking for a few months, and accept that in today’s world you must take what you can get. I made my decision. I honestly have no idea if it is the smart move or not. All I know is there is no turning back.
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